I'm not cool anymore

I found out I'm not cool anymore when I dropped the kids off at school Friday morning.

While the kids were getting out of the car I said, "BUH BAM!  It's Friday.  HOLLER!"  I also added in a high pitched, "CAN I GET A WHAT WHAAAAT?" and did a two handed raise the roof gesture for good measure.

Now, I don't know if I just did it out of order or if maybe I left out an extra "whaaaat," but my ten year old son and my seven year old daughter {who were furiously glancing back and forth to make sure no one was watching} looked back at me as they were slamming the van door shut and whispered.....

"Not cool mom.  Not.  Cool.  You are so.....{wait for it}......yesterday.....and embarrassing."

Watching them walk off I saw a brief bonding moment between siblings as they looked at each other with pity in their eyes.  Shaking their heads as if mentally conveying to each other how sad it must be to be so old and not know any better.

I see this look a lot from him

I was stunned.

My children didn't want to be seen with me.  When did this happen???  When did I become the object of rolling eyeballs and disown-ment?  They used to laugh and think how fun and hip I was when I would do all that urban slangy stuff.  True, I never knew the meaning of a single word I was saying, but that didn't matter to them.  I was the crazy cool mom who they loved hanging with.  I was their.....home slice. See? Total coolness.

back when they still loved me

Then, with a heavy heart, I realized.  They're growing up.  I'm not my daughter's BFF anymore.  Even though when she was five she pinky swore she always would be.  I'm not my son's best buddy or his partner in crime.  They've moved on.  They don't want their mom trying to be cool in front of all their little friends.  I seem to have missed the signs of them slowly letting go because I was too busy desperately trying to hold on to the tiny little hands I felt slipping away.  I knew they still loved me, but things just weren't the same as they used to be.  I was going to have to learn to adjust.

All day I debated on what to do.  Do I back off?  Should I disappear when other kids their age were around??  How could I change so they wouldn't be constantly upset and anxiously waiting for what humiliating thing their mother might do to embarrass them?

On the other hand......

Didn't I deserve to act however the heck I wanted to after nine months of morning sickness and 24 hours of labor and delivery??......After endless sleepless nights pacing back and forth with sick babies? Worrying over every cough, green poopy diaper, whimper, fever, scraped knee, tree licked, yes, that happened, and countless poison control calls that could have easily ended up with DHR at our doorstep???  Wasn't this MY right as a parent??  Didn't I deserve to have some fun at their expense???

That afternoon as I walked out the door to pick them up I knew what had to be done.

I got into the van and calmly drove to the school.

This was it.  The turning point in our relationship.  The moment they knew how the rest of their childhood and teen years would play out in front of friends, teachers, faculty, parents, and even strangers.  It all came down to this one defining moment between mother and child.

You could hear the music thumping in the car before I ever made it to the gate.

Here we go.  Game on.

A sea of young faces turned to see what the commotion was.

As my kids and I made eye contact a slow smile spread across my face, and their confusion quickly turned into an expression of horror.

My eyes narrowed as I rhythmically bobbed my head up and down to the beat of the music.

Their mouths gaped open in an effort to form a slow motion, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" 

I could make out kids mouthing the words, "No. Way."

And that's when it happened.

The mother of all humiliation.....I pulled up in front of them with windows rolled down, van shaking, singing and rapping as loud as I could to the 1980's classic, "Ice Ice Baby".....with an added bonus of every dance move I've ever learned since 1979.  It was all there.....the Travolta moves, the Cabbage Patch, the Carlton, the Macarena.........

"Mama's in the hooouuussse!!" I squealed.

Their faces registered panic, then shock, and finally disbelief.  They were stone.  cold.  frozen.

As the teacher slid open the door I got,  "WHAT ARE YOU DOING???"  growled out through gritted teeth.  "I'm collaborating and listening.  Isn't it awesome??  Got my hands in the aiiiirr like I just don't caaaarrrree....."  

 They looked at me and I saw their little defeated faces.  Grudgingly I got a nod of ..... "Well played, mother. Well played."

Crawling into the van they slithered down as low as they could into the seats.  My little girl looked up at her big brother and said, "Did that really just happen?  Is this a dream??"

Sharing an understanding wink with the other moms I pulled out of the line.

Still grinning as we drove off I said, "Oh no honey, this is your worst nightmare.  Welcome to the next ten years."

And that, moms, is how it's done.

"BOOM!!"